The saga continues......
The last we heard of Bubba and Skeeter....the ideal representation of Saskatchewanians....was that they had just reached the Trans Canada Hwy. They flipped a coin for which way to turn....and they turned right.
B: " Man, there's nothing as beautiful in this old world as driving to vast expanses of nothing."
S: " You is got that right Bubb's."
For countless hours...the boys are just driving through kilometer after kilometer of nothing. Now and then, they get to drive slowly behind one of the many Combine's that clog the prairies and the also get reminded of home every time they drive past the compost trucks that barrel down the road to 80 km/hr.
But...something odd is witnessed out their grimey window...
S: " Look Bubb's....that's one big hole we are driving past."
B: " Never saw that on the way to Tarranna (Toronto) before."
S: " Look at all those funny colours on the side of those rocks? Looks pretty dry in there too."
B: " Looks cool....but we can't a detour off to see what more is there. We are almost in Tarranna...by my calculations."
S: " I don't a mind missing this stuff. Those lands look bad."
So they continue on their quest to got to Montreal to watch the Greenies play the playoff game....but they have to go through the great metropolis of Toronto first.
S: " Hey! There's the Great Tarranna."
B: " Um.....?"
S: " Boy...this is exciting."
B: " You sure this is Tarranna? It looks a lot like it...but everything looks so much smaller than I remember.
Look at the Tower....that's a little one."
S: " That's because we are avoiding the Gardiner Expressway and staying further away.....It's Tarranna all right."
B: " Ok, if you say so."
So they drive on past the city and head to Montreal....when...
B: " What the heck is that!!??"
S: " Man....those are big!"
B: " They just start outta nowhere....and they go for as far as I can see in both directions...and they are ruining
S: " I know what it is."
S: "They built that wall around Kibec...like they said they would."
B: " Dang that Cretan in Ottawa! Now we have to go back and go around through the States to get
there...let's go back to Tarranna and go the other way."
So the boys head back to the city and the decide to turn left at the main crossroad. Now they are back on track.
S: "We are flying now."
It's early morning....and after 3 1/2 hours of driving...they are coming up to a city.
S: "Hey....it's Montreal."
They enter the gloomy city and start to drive around in the morning empty streets.
B: " I love the smell of naypom in the morning."
S: " Huh?"
B: " I love the smell of naypom in the morning. You know? That smell? That gasoline smell? When it just
hovers around you like this...it smells like ...Edmonton."
S: " Edmonton?"
B: " Some day this trips gonna end."
S: " Snap out of it! This ain't Apocolypse Now!"
B: " Whew.....I got lost there. Hmm...this don't smell right. I don't think we are in Montreal. This smells like
The boys were confused. They needed to confirm where they were and weren't sure how to do it. So they decided to ask someone.
B: " Hey buddy...hey el Ki-bec'er...do you isa have some croissant and cheese anda some frank & phoney beer?"
The boys realized they were in Edmonton when the bullets whirled over their heads ... and as they heard the cries of ... "Get those frogs!" coming from the sudden mass crowd that chased them.
S: " We need help."
B: "Well, since this is Edmonton...there is only one place to go to get the help we need."
Bubba knew where to go. There was only one hope to salvage the time that was lost. They had to go to Chief Big Cuts ... of the reclusive Indian band ... The Alberta government.
Chief: "Tell me your problems and I'll solve them."
The boys told their gripping tale...and the Chief was impressed with their boldness in asking for help.
Chief: " The power has always been with you to get the help you needed to start on the right path."
B&S: " Tell us."
Chief: " You hold this feather over your head...and then click your heels three times....and then you will go to
where you wanted to go....but...it must be done by just one of you and it only works once."
S: " I'll do it."
Skeeter hold the feather over his head...and then he starts to click his heels real slow. After the second click...the Chief offers his final instruction.
Chief: " Now where....do you want to go?"
Third click... [ Time tunnel effect ]
The boys stop spinning and land in a heavy haze. They were told it would take a minute for the haze to clear and to be at the doorstep of their destination.
B: " Whew....we're here....where is that?"
S: " Umm...we are nowhere."
S: " Well...that's where the Chief told us to go."
B: "He said Now...where. Not Nowhere!
S: " Oops."
The boys were now worried. The cosmic forces that sent them to where they are...has sent them to nowhere. What vile...dark dreary place could they be...where is nowhere?
B: " Look the haze is clearing."
B&S: "AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH !" (Horrified shrieking)
As the haze cleared...a sign appeared. It said only three words... but their worst fears had been realized. They really were nowhere.
The sign said....Welcome to Winnipeg.