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Part Six:  Cowtown Chaos!

The last we saw of the Boys was that they bought tickets to the western semi...pitting their beloved Green Riders and and the Red Demon Stampeders.

B: " Look at the big Arena Skeeter.....this is where we got tickets."

S: " And they are good ones too. We asked for right behind the Greenies bench...and that's where they

       gave us."

B: " Cool."

The boys enter the Stadium and are led to their seats.

Usher: " We help people like you to your seats."

B&S: " What service."

The boys are following the usher to their seats...but they are starting to be a little concerned.

B: " Hey! You iz put us in the back of the endzone!"

Usher: " Yes sir...that is your seat location."

B: " But we iza asked fer seats right behind the Greenies bench."

Usher: " Ha! That's a joke we play on all you sod busters. We tell you we are getting you the seats you

             want...and then we plant you wherever we feel like it."

S: " I iza gonna complain."

Usher: " Go's right on your ticket stub."

B&S: " Drats!"

Usher: " And! Don't you boys be making any noise! If we catch you making any noise...we'll kick your butt

             outta here."

B: " ain't a Skydome Nazi? Are ya?"

Usher: " No sir....we either kick you out or get some cops to stare at you the whole game. In Toronto...they

              make you miss a lot of  the play for blowing a little horn in the air."

S: (whispers to Bubba) " I'ma gonna test this guy."

S: (Yelling...and clicking his heels and raising his hand in the air with authority) : "ZEEK HAYL!!!"

The usher instinctively responds in kind saying...

Usher: " ZEEK HAYL.....Praise the Fatherland!"

B: " Yup...he's from Skydome all right."

As the game begins...the Roughriders grab an early lead and are then helped by the injury to the Stamps #1 QB. The  Green Riders then forge ahead to a really big lead...which please the boys to no end.

B&S: " Wowee! Zowee! Sod! The Greenies is God!"

The boys were having fun...yelling at the sad Stamps fans as the Greenies surged ahead.

B: " Those dudes are throwing stuff at us."

S: " It's all's just sugar cubes."

B: " Oh ya...I forgot that everyone here rides a horse."

S: " And don't forget the cows. They call this place cowtown."

B: " So it's named after us?"

S: " Us?"

B: " It's named after all the Regina folk that Mooooved here to build this place."

S: " Ha."

So it's half-time....but the boys have little interest in the half-time show. They have another idea.

B: " Noone will see us...they are all watching the halftime show."

The boys tell everyone they have to go slash...and they make their exit. They walk to the secured area they must breach to accomplish their task.

B: " Remember...just act like you are one of them...they'll let us by."

They hear a German tone.....

Security: " HALT! Vere iz you two going?"

B&S: " D'uh?"

Security: " Proceed."

The boys get to where they wanted to go. All they have to do now is climb.

B: " You first..."

Skeeter starts up the long climb and Bubba is right behind. The find themselves high above McMahon Stadium.

B: " We hafta be careful walking this cable."

S: " No sweat....It's just like passing those cop tests on the road."

At this time...the huge throng at the Stadium look up. They are amazed at the half-time show being performed. The look  up and see two figures....tightrope walking out to the boxy thing that is suspended high above the playing field.

B: " We are almost there...why is the crowd cheering?"

S: " Some kid just added 2 + 2...and got it right. He's goin to git a scholarship to the U of Tarrana."

B: "'s that special western IQ equalization thing they do."

S: " Yup....that kids smart enough to be a doctor out here."

The crowd roars as the boys get to the thing in the middle. The boys have reached their life's goal of finding out what that thing up there is.

S: " It opens."

B: " Look at all these papers!"

S: " Geez...they look real important."

B: " This one says...' Secret file on ex-Reich relocation in Canada.' "

S: " This one says...' The official Somalia papers folder.' "

B: " least we know what it is now."

S: " Let's go back."

Just then....they hear rapid gunshots. Every Usher in the place has unholstered their little Oozies and are firing at the boys.

B: " We are doomed Skeeter."

S: " Wait...we can use the thing the Argonut gave us in Toronto."

B: " Will it hold us both?"

(sound of bullets flying )

S: " Well...we are gonna find out."

Skeeter reaches into his bag and pulls out this huge banner that he was going to take home and cover a barn with it. He  and Bubba unfold it...and hold onto it at each end. They then jump off the secret paper file holder and fall to the  ground.....but...they are stopped by the banner as it fills with air. The crowd is cheering the great feat that they are witness to. The boys float to the earth at centerfield...and they expect to be captured by the Ushers of Doom.

But...the place is silent. Then...a slow crescendo of a chant is heard throughout the Stadium. The viewers at home are missing this event due to CBC coverage of Chris Walby...but those in the stands are witness to the event.

The chant is staying at a very low ebb. Just barely audible...but audible enough to feel its power. They know not what they do....but that they must do.

The banner lies at centerfield...unfurled. It reads...' Lammle is God.'

The chant is getting louder now...<(Lammle...Lammle...Lammle...LAMMLE)

Skeeter grabs the banner...and with Bubba's help...he folds it back into his bag and they race to their seats. The chant subsides exactly 30 seconds after the boys are back in their seats.

B: " That was close....they are not ready yet."

Skeeter leans over to the fan next to him...asking..

S: " How was the show?"

Fan: " Ummm....I liked it...I think....I can't remember....I just can't remember...except that huge brawl."

S: " Ok...dude. It wasn't that good a show anyhow."

B: " We did it....the Nut told us that everyone is a true believer...but they are afraid to even think it

        consciously. They all think it in their dreams. They will remember when they are ready."

S: " We live for the Lammle....we die for the Lammle."

The second half begins......

S: " We are not getting any of those Yellow pages footballs."

B: " Some woman over there (pointing to the goaline) is getting them all."

S: " That sucks."

B: " Those guys next to her are cool thought."

S: " Ya...they are Greenies fans."

The second half is a better game than the first half. The floundering Calgary team is putting up a fight.

S: " Hey....lets's go over and show some of those Internet folks here that we really exist."

B: " Sure. They think we are just made up."

The boys hop over the wall and start down the sidelines. They are approached by security...but a well timed D'uh gets them through with no problem. Then there is a wild cheer from the throng.

S: " RUN!!!!"

Bubba and Skeeter start to run like crazy! They are being chased by some wild woman on a horse.

B: If we stop...she'll blow right by. Then we can head back to our seats!"

The boys stop and the horse blows right by...just as Bubba has predicted.

S: " The heck with finding those Internet folks now. Let's head back to our seats."

B: " RUN!!!!"

The boys start to run again as the wild horsewoman and her horse are charging after the boys again. The boys make a wild dash back to their section...and dive into their seats. Just as they get back to their seats...they are surrounded by security and cops.

Security: (German accent) Vhat ver yuz doing?"

B&S: " D'uh."

Security: " Ok, leave them alone."

Just then the security and the cops rush back into the crowd. An unsuspecting Green Rider fans yelled "Let's go Riders"  and he was swarmed by the authorities. The security started to pound on him and the cops pulled out their clubs and  wasted the lad. That'll teach that 9 year old!

It's late in the 4th and the Stamps are making a big comeback. They make a big score and take the lead.


Stamps fan: " The game is over....Slack won't do it."

S: " Yes he will! Wanna know why?"

Stamps fan: " Ya. Why?"

S: " Cause Reggie's an Ex-Argo! He was a Vaunted One!"

Stamps fan: " Good Gravy! I forgot that! We're doomed!"

S: " You iz bet you iz!"

The Green Riders march down the field...with Reggie leading the way. Reggie's using every trick he learned as a Vaunted Argo that he has withheld till this moment.

B&S: " SCORE! We iz the best ever!"

The Green Riders try the 2 point play....but it is intercepted and run back the length of the field.

Stamps Fan: " Ha! We got the TD back!"

B: " No you dope! It's just 2 points. We iz still way ahead by 3."

Stamps fan: "It's's a TD!"

B: " Explain it Skeeter."

S: " The Greenies scored 6...then tried for 2....but the Stump caught the ball and ran it back for 6....which is

       actually 2....because the throw was for 2....and not for 6....and that's why the clock did not move."

Stamps fan: "Huh?"

S: " In other's Ken Lazurak's fault!"  (The ref)

Stamps fan: " I can buy that."

The game winds down...with the Green Riders hanging on to a 3 point upset victory.

B&S: " We are Greenies...We're Greenies...we kicked em in their..."

The Green Riders have slain the Red Demons and they win the prize...a trip to Edmonton to play the Green and Gold  Eskies.

B: " We iz goin to the Klondike!"

S: " Git out our prospectin stuff and wallet ...we iz goin for the green and gold!"