B: Bubba S: Skeeter V: Vlad
* All characters are fictional. Any likeness to anyone alive or dead is purely coincidental. Bubba and Skeeter have been translated in their conversations between themselves and others. Many people can't speak Saskatchewaneeze.
It's a Saturday morning in August 1999 ... as the boys reflect on a win by the Saskatchewan Roughriders over the Edmonton Eskimos the night before at Taylor Field in Regina.
S: " Hey .... the Greenies kicked some Eskie butt last night 29 - 27."
B: " Ya ... that pulls them up to a playoff race with those same Pesky Eskies."
S: " It's almost enough to get back interested in the season if they can grab that last slot. Do they just have to
beat the Eskies?"
B: " Well ... they have to beat the Eskies and they have to also beat those lousy Blue Bombers in the Peg."
S: " Huh? Why the Peg?"
B: " First because they still stink. Second because of that crossover rule where the fourth team in one division
gets the third slot in another if the fourth in one is better than the third in the other but has to be better than
tied or the original one gets the slot."
S: " I got it. That's why we had to travel all the way to Montreal in 1997 when we went to follow the Greenies
through the playoffs ... but then the Greenies played all the way back in stinking Calgary."
B: " Right ... it was B.C. that played out East because them Bombers and Cats were awful."
S: " Those teams always awful eh?"
B: " Got that right."
The boys share a hearty laugh at the state of the Bombers when the jovial mood is interrupted by the noisy entrance of Vlad. Vlad enters the room and throws down the newspaper on the table and just stews.
S: " Vlad? What's wrong?"
V: " That stupid Green Rider team go out and vin a dang game."
B: " And you're not happy?"
V: " NO!! Vho can be happy with such stupid bad news!"
S: " Whoa Vladdy ... we don't get it."
V: " You stupid. Vhen the Green Riders win it means that Al Ford keep his job longer and I vant him gone
from this country!"
B: " You mean the team."
V: " NO!" ( Vlad standing shaking his fist in the air.) " I vant him out of the country. I vant him vhere no Green
Rider fan will ever see him again. I not only vant him fired ... I vant him in fire!"
S: " But he said he'd quit if they don't make the playoffs."
V: " I have a mind to .... that joker has to go. Vhen you have locusts in your field do you vait until they promise
to go? NO. You burn them out and save vhat you can. They must burn this guy right now!"
B: " I'm not all sure he's so bad. We won a Grey Cup in 1989 and we almost beat the Vaunted Ones in 1997
if they would have seen what we saw."
V: " Peh! I spit at two lucky streaks. I too love the Grey Cup but this thing did not build that team. He just stole
credit. 1997 we had no chance ... nobody did."
B: " Well I remember different. You have to support the Greenies no matter what."
V: " That's it ... I've had it vith you. I know what the real fans vant and that is for that cheap imitation of a lousy
car to be driven out of town on a rail ... if not under a train! I am out of here and vill not listen to any more
excuses form you two stupids."
With that Vlad storms out of the house and drives off in a cloud of dust. The boys being a bit perplexed by the behavior of Vlad decide to relax on the porch for a spell and play a favourite game of Saskatchewan residents.
Bubba calls up on the phone his buddy Irving ...
B: " Hey Irv ... how far can you see from your porch?"
Irving: " I see the Rockies."
B: " Ha Ha ... I can see all the way to Toronto."
Irving: "Dang ... I hate facing west ... those dang mountains just ruin the view."
Hours pass and many brews pass as well with the boys just relaxing on the porch.
S: " Hey Bubb's? What do you think of what Vlad had to say?"
B: " He was mad. He's really mad at that Al Ford guy for some reason."
S: " He thinks that Al Ford dude is ruining the team and not a good GM."
B: " Well if he is ... I never noticed."
S: " Could it really be his fault? It's not like he chooses the players and coaches and stuff."
B: " Could be. It would be interesting to ask him sometimes."
S: " Why don't we go do that?"
B: " That's a good idea. He should see us if we ask."
S: " Sure. I think he's known for being very fan friendly and open to opinions."
Vlad comes back from his drive and sees the boys happy on the porch.
V: " Vhat you so happy for?"
B: "We're going on Monday to see Al Ford."
V: " That good ... I come too."
Vlad goes to bed with the first smile the boys have seen on him since Sputnik.
S: " Vlad's real happy ... I'm worried."
B: " Ah ... he's just happy. Maybe he got lucky tonight ... at bingo."
S: " That's it."
The boys head off to bed.
After an uneventful Sunday ... it's now Monday morning and the boys are ready to go when Vlad comes out to the truck.
V: " I'm almost ready. Just must go to shed and get right sized bear trap."
Vlad runs off to the shed behind the barn.
B: " Bear Trap! "
S: " Uh oh ... we better get outta here before we get into another incident like the Trudeau one a while back."
B: " Yikes ... we better!"
S: " Ya ... who'd a thought that Vlad would start throwing stuff at the train and everyone else would too?"
B: " Not me."
S: " At least we saw that Trudeau could count to one."
B: " Very true. We're outta here now."
Just then the boys peeled out of the driveway in a cloud of dust and left Vlad shaking his right fist at them while holding a trap in his left.
S: " Whew ... we made it."
B: " Yup ... off to Taylor Field and a meeting with Ford."
S: " Do you think he'll see us?"
B: " Probably not ... but then we can always look for pop bottles anyways. Regina is a gold mine."
S: " At least one things for sure."
B: " What?"
S: " Al Ford is lucky Vlad didn't come!"
B: " That he is ... that he is."
Copyright (c) 1999, 2000 Ronald Philipp