B: Bubba S: Skeeter
The last we heard of the boys they had just entered Las Vegas Nevada ... on their way to the Super Bowl in San Diego.
S: " How much money do we have left of the $20,000US we borrowed from Vlad?"
B: " We have around $16,000 left."
S: " Yikes ... how'd it get so low?"
B: " It was all that money you spent at all the gift shops along the highway that we stopped at. You spent
$1,000 on mugs saying everything from 'Welcome to Utah' to 'Kiss me I'm a Fish.' "
S: " Ya ... and all them shinny silver spoons with the States on em and all those other ones."
B: " Ya ... like the spoons that say 'Utah' ... 'Provo, Utah' ... 'Salt Lake Utah' ... 'Great Salt Lake Utah' ... 'Joe's
Garage' ... and all the others."
S: " Ya ... that's 200 spoons at seven bucks each ... so around $1400."
B: " And then the rest on gas and food."
S: " I can't believe how much we ate ... all those signs saying McDonalds 5 miles ... and then when you finish
there and get back on the highway there's another McDonalds in 5 miles again."
B: " So there's the $4,000 we spent ... plus we ain't hungry."
S: " Let's go into one of those big fancy places and make the money back."
B: " Good idea for once."
S: " Up there ... just past the Clown ... pull in there by those big flames."
The boys drive down the strip ... past Circus Circus and pull into the lot at The Mirage Hotel and Casino.
S: " They got a stinkin volcano out there."
B: " Hey Skeeter ... lookie yonder."
Bubba points back down the strip to a needle like building. (Stratosphere)
S: " That looks like the Toronto CN Tower."
B: " Cool ... but it's a lot smaller though."
S: " Everyone knows that Americans are just Toronto wannabees. Toronto's got the biggest di ... I mean
Tower ... in the world."
B: " Let's go in."
The boys enter The Mirage and walk through the marble laden foyer...
S: " Lookie ... they painted that big pussy cat white. Ain't it supposed to be black and orange strips?
B: " After the last FIVE Ticats seasons ... you'd paint your tiger white too."
S: " Good point."
B: " There's the gamesroom ... let's get busy."
The boys enter the great gaming area of the Mirage and scope out the games they want to play...
S: " Let's play the twirly one."
The boys walk over to the Roulette wheel.
B: " Remember the system ... watch where the ball lands before we play."
S: " We don't need to make the bets to big or we'll win all the money in five spins ... we have to play a while
for fun."
The ball lands on black ... and the boys start to play. Using black as a starting point ... the boys begin their plays. Winner ... winner ... winner ... the boys are winning every turn. Their system is foolproof.
S: " This is fun ... we won $2600 so far and we started with 50 bucks."
B: " This system is great ... but we have to move on before they figure it out."
* Educational *
For those that are interested in the system...I have been permitted by the boys to tell you this system just once. It can only be told once and you must promise not to tell more than 2 people...to keep ahead of the Casino gaming police.
System: Very simple ... You look at where the ball lands the roll before you get to the table. (ie: black) Once you determine this number ... this will be you calculating starting point. There is a calculation for black and one for red. In essence ... this is a hedged betting system. If the number is black ... to get the next spot that the ball will drop ... You take in this case the number ... then add the number of TD passes Kent Austin had in 1989 and then subtract the number of safeties Ricky Foggie gave up in 1992. This is the formula for any black number. If the number is red ... then you subtract from that number the number of INT's that Danny McManus had in 1996 and add the number of missed FG's that Dave Cutler had in 1979. Once you've won your 12th straight game ... you must quit to avoid detection.
* Education over*
The boys scope the place and see another good spot to make some dough.
B: " What's iz a dis place iz called sir?"
Pit Boss: " This is the craps table."
S: " We iz know craps ... we iz Flatlanders and we iz all know about crap."
Pit Boss: " Good for you ... play or get lost."
The boys scan the table. On one side there are three people playing witha lot of cash. One younger guy is decked out in a $2000 suit and has a rolex ... and with him is a gorgeous barbie-type lady all decked out to the nines. The third man is an older gentleman with a $100 suit and has his jacket open with no tie. Across the table from them is a Herb Tarleck lookalike ... with a green-plaid suit and a big cigar in his mouth. Just in front of the boys were two 50'ish business man types who looked like they were taking their daughters out for a nice get-together in the casino. The girls looked like they were really interested in learning the game from their dad's ... and boy were they hot.
The boys picked their spot just ahead of the men and their daughters.
Pit Boss: " New shooter."
B: " I'll go and iz shoot you all."
Bubba went to the end of the table to shoot and Skeeter leaned against the table.
Bubba throws ... SEVEN. Bubba throws again ... SEVEN ... Winner! He throws a third time ... SEVEN ... winner! Bubba throws three more times to the same ... SEVEN result.
The boys had won over $13,000 and the Pit Boss started to give Bubba a nasty look and six big guys surrounded the Pit Boss.
B: " I iz think it's time iz to quit now ... I am iz sleepy"
At this same time ... Skeeter was joined by the businessman's daughters and the boys were invited up for something called a nightcap.
S: " What iz yer names ... dames?"
Girls: " We're Bambi and Thumper."
B: " What iz floor off do we get?"
Bambi: " 17th floor ... and how did you two big strong men win at craps?"
B: " We iz Flatlanders an we iz know crap."
S: " And iz when I leaned on the table ... the horshoe I wear around my neck distorted iz the magnet under they
iz table. This way we always win ... eh?"
Bambi: " It's the fourth door on the right..."
S: " You girls look like two red-blooded American girls that would do anything..."
Thumper: " Aaannnyyyttthhhiinngg...." (giggles)
S: " Anything for fifty bucks?"
Bubba rushes ahead and opens the door ... but it was the fourth door on the left that he opened."
Man: (Yelling) " What are you doing here! Get out of here!"
B: " Oh dang ... sorry Mr. Gifford! (Bubba looks for a second) And did I tell you how much I love TWA Miss?"
Bubba slams the door and enters the room on the right.
Bambi: " You guys from here?"
B: " No ... we iz from the Canada and we iz gonna go to the Super Bowl to find The Flutie and ask
what Bills he had in Buffalo to pay."
S: " We iz also learning what iz the States all about too ... while we iz here."
Bambi and Thumper: " Well if you boys want to know what America is really all about ... just take a couple of
these and ........"
( SNIP )
****WARNING**** ****WARNING****
The CRTC has deemed this portion to be inappropriate material for the audience involved. This is not Censorship ... it's just us looking after the people and seeing to their welfare.
****WARNING**** ****WARNING****
( UNSNIP )
It's been a day since the boys left Las Vegas and their experiences there have started to wear off. They were almost there ........
B: "Lookie up ahead Skeeter ... the sign says San Diego."
S: "We iz made it ... now let's find The Flutie."
