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Part Four:  It's "The Flutie!"

B: Bubba   S: Skeeter

The last we heard of the Boys as they follow their quest to find The Flutie at the Super Bowl ... they were just entering San Diego after a wonderful time in Las Vegas.

B: " Wow Skeeter ... this San Diego is a hot place."

S: " And this highways a biggie too."

B: " There's the sign we need."

Up ahead there's a big sign pointing drivers to the area that all the Super Bowl festivities were taking place.

S: " We have to find The Flutie there ... we need to know what Bills he's got to pay in Buffalo."

B: " Looks like we have to go park in there." Pointing up ahead.

Parking attendant: " That'll be $3 and hour plus PPL."

B: " What's a PPL?"

Parking Att: " PPL stands for ... Personal Parking License."

S: " How much is that?"

Parking Att: " That's an extra $500 ... but it gives you the right to rent the parking space for $3 an hour."

S: " That's insane ... who pays that?"

Parking Att: " Everyone ... it's an official NFL spot ... you'll be proud."

S: " Give us a minute."

Skeeter turns to Bubba to figure out what to do ...

S: " That's a ton ... are these Americans dolts or something?"

B: " I hear they do it in Toronto too."

S: " That's it ... I got it."

Skeeter turns back to the attendant ...

S: " We iz from Toronto." (He says with a big grin.)

Parking Att: " Really ... that's a special rate."

S: " I knew it."

Parking Att: " The PPL is $1000."

S: " What!!??"

Parking Att: " Sure ... it's $1000 ... but we also offer you a coupon for a 1.5% discount off any PPL in Toronto

                      when Toronto gets their expansion team ... someday ... maybe ... whenever."

S: " No way Man."

Parking Att: " You guys aren't from Toronto. A Toronto NFL fan would pay us anything to throw them a

                      scrap off our table."

S: " Well ... we iz CFL fans from the Flatlands! And we ain't payin' any PPL ... or PSL ... or SOL!"

Parking Att: " Then you can't park here. You have to park across town."

S: " Love to ... let's go Bubb's."

The boys backtrack to the highway and drive across town to the parking lots way out in the burbs.

S: " I can't believe what they charge for those PPL's and such."

B: " You're not a fool to charge it ... you're a fool to pay it."

S: " And we ain't no fools ... iz we?"

B: " No way."

The boys park the truck ... for $12 for the day ... and take the bus back across town to the festivities area. They come up to a big sign that lists the days events.

S: " Lookie ... the beach football game is at the beach."

B: " Let's go ... The Flutie will be there."

The boys get themselves down to the beach and head towards the beach football game.

B: " My goodness ... lookie at all the babes."

S: " Is that floss?"

B: " Nah ... it's called a thong."

S: " Thong is heaven ... heaven is thong."

B: " Snap out of it!" (slapping Skeeter)

S: " Thanks Bubb's ... how does anyone get any work done down here?"

B: " I know ... no man with this close by would be in a tractor of 18 hours a day."

B: " Anyhow ... we iz gotta find The Flutie ... this is our shot."

S: " How iz we gonna find him ... the games over and people are everywhere?"

The boys mull through the crowd looking for Doug.

B: " Wait a second ..."

S: " What?"

B: " Do you smell that?

S: " Yup ... hair gel ... and a lot of it!"

B: " That's gotta be The Flutie."

The boys follow their noses and break there way through a large throng of people. Eventually they  squeeze themselves through a couple of big guys ... and find a little guy in the middle of them.

S: "Heart be still ... it's THE FLUTIE!"


The boys run up to Doug ......

B: " Hail o' The Flutie ... we iz found you."

Flutie: " Wow ... some Regina fans ... how are you doing?"

B: " We have been on a quest to find you ... we need to know."

Flutie: " Quest no more ... you have found me ... and I grant you an audience with my greatness."

B: " We are disturbed."

Flutie: " Yes ... and what else?"

S: " Damn it the Flutie ... what Bills in Buffalo!"

Flutie: " Ummm ... the Buffalo Bills?"

B: " What Skeeter means is ... what bills did you have to pay in Buffalo that took you from Toronto."

Flutie: " Got it wrong boys ... I don't have bills to pay ... I got the Bills to pay."

B: " You gonna be back with the Vaunted Ones?"

Flutie: " Sorry boys ... my Vaunted days are over. But I'll always be glad that the Argos took me to

             two championships."

S: " You are a football God in Canada!"

Flutie: " I know. And especially to you Regina fans. You all worship Taylor Field ... and I have walked

             on Taylor Field ... that just means that you worship the ground that I walk on."


Flutie: " I'll take my leave of you now."

S: " You'll never bee forgotten in the CFL ... or ever replaced."

Flutie: " I know."

Just then a couple of beautiful ladies latched onto Doug.

Flutie: " Boys ... have you met Bambi and Thumper from Las Vegas?"

B&S: " We can't remember Vegas."

Bambi and Thumper: " Hi boys." (giggles)

Flutie: " They are here to remind me what being an American is all about."

B&S: "Bye."

Flutie: " Bye boys ... I know you'll miss me ... everyone does."

With that Flutie left with Bambi and Thumper.

B: " Well ... we iz gotta go home now."

S: " Ya ... but can we go look at the stadium first?"

B: " Sure."

The boys head over to the stadium to grab a quick look.

S: " Geez ... kinda looks like Winterpeg Stadium ... only bigger."

B: " Lookie ... they are letting folks in."

The boys go over to the gate.

Security: " For a buck ... we let you look at the field."

B: " What else ... no game?"

Security: " Nope ... just look at the field."

S: " Who does that?"

Security: " Hah ... there's about 10,000 in there now."

B: "You Yanks are strange ... we'll take two."

The boys go in and look at the newly painted field for the Super Bowl.

B: " This is the field?"

S: " Where's the rest of it?"

B: " Now I get it why the NFL is so successful down here."

S: "Why?"

B: " This field is a puny little thing. The fans that sit here don't have to move their heads at all to follow

       the play."

S: " Dang ... just like TV."

B: " Just a sec ... Skeeter ..."

Bubba goes over and talks with some guy for a minute and then comes back.

S: " What's up?"

B: " That guy said that the NFL field is the same size as a college field ... which is the same size as a

       highschool field."

S: " That means that the NFL plays on a kids sized field?"

B: " Yup ... and the CFL plays on a man's sized field."

S: " I knew we were men."

B: " Let's go home now."

The boys decide to leave the Stadium ... but they need to return the beers that they had rented ... so they stop at the bathroom.  After doing what they had to do ... they came out.

S: " Did you see those NFL players in there?"

B: " Man ... they were big."

S: " And they were tall and heavy too."

B: " Did you also notice that many were real collectors?"

S: " Not sure."

B: " A lot of them had sand they collected from the beach. They had a little bit of sand in those little plastic


S: " Oh ya ... and they really love the smell of the beach. They kept on sniffing the sand."

B: " To each there own ... it's a different land down here.

S: " Let's just go home now ... we've done our quest."

B: " That we have. Back to the truck."

The boys make their way back to the truck ... and head for home.