The last we heard of the boys they were just going over to the stadium to buy tickets to watch the Grey Cup Game.
B: " We have a big problem with buying tickets."
S: " Yipper...dipper. We can't find anybody to sell us tickets for twenty smackers."
B: " Let's keep walking around the stadium...maybe we will find some."
S: " Things were better before all them Greenies bandwagon jumpers came on board."
B: " Yup....we had no problems getting tickets for all the other playoff games we real fans went to."
S: " Umm ... we got in free last week."
B: " Well ya .. so?"
S: " Never mind."
So the boys start to walk around the stadium to find someone that will sell them a ticket for $20 or less. After walking around the entire stadium...they had no luck. Then...they had a thought. Why not get in for free....like at the Western Final?
S: " Let's us try to get in for free...we iz got our Zoobas still."
B: " That was at half-time...they won't buy it before the game starts. But...I have an idea."
Bubba leads Skeeter back around the stadium to where there is a line of limos. It is the VIP entrance.
B: " We are going in here!"
S: " That is for Vip'ers...they won't let us in."
B: " Just turn your cap around and do the cool jive...then I can get us in."
Bubba and Skeeter walk up to the VIP entrance....
Security: " Pass please."
B:(In his best English accent) " We have forgotten our passes sir."
Security: " No passes...no entry."
S: " You iz know who we iz? We iz half-time entertainmenters!"
Security: " Ya right."
B: " Show them Mr. Skeeter."
(Bubba puts his hands to his mouth and starts to make sounds with his mouth that are the anthem of rappers everywhere)
S: (Rapping) " We are the Weeners....We are the best rappers....Our team is the Greeners.....They'll beat the
Argos into crapper's...."
Security: "Wow... you guys are great."
B: " Do you have any Gray Poupon?"
Security: " Ah...go ahead. You guys are cultured all right."
The boys are now in the game...and they did it the way all the richer fans of the CFL get in...for free.
B: " Let's see what happens up here in the VIP area."
S: " Sure ."
The boys walk around and start to notice interesting things going on. The game has started at this point ..but the boys are fascinated with the behind the scenes workings of a Grey Cup."
B: " Look over there...is that Larry from Montreal?"
S: " Yup...that's Larry the ticket seller...taker...PR guy...tour giver...and I hear he is a president of the club too. He
was so nice to give us that tour that time in Montreal."
B: " Is that Lancaster he is talking too?"
S: " Yup...and he looks like he sold him something. The Lancaster has a sales slip in his hand."
B: " He's walking by now....let me see...."
(Bubba leans over Ronnie's shoulder as he walks by and Bubba gets a look at the sales slip)
B: " Wow. Larry sold him a refrigerator."
S: " That Larry...he's some salesman...he just sold a refrigerator to an Eskimo."
B: " What a guy...let's avoid him."
The boys look off into the distance and they see the new Toronto Mayor.
S: " Is that the little mayor the Nut told us about?"
B: " Looks like him...oh....he just dropped that envelope."
Bubba races over and scoops up the envelope...just before someone from the press gets it.
S: " What is it."
B: " The envelope says it's for the NFL....and inside it's a whopper of a cheque."
S: " A cheque?"
B: " Well...sort of. It is a cheque made out to the Homeless Authority of Metro Toronto....but it has been
endorsed over to the NFL for an NFL franchise bribe/slush fund."
S: " Eggaads! We gotta do the right thing...the moral thing."
B: " You're right Skeeter."
(Bubba starts to run down the hall...yelling)
B: " Mr. Mayor! You dropped this!"
The mayor turns around and retrieves his precious cargo.
B: " Wouldn't want to lose this...it's gotta keep to the right hands."
The mayor just nods and runs off in a panic.
B: " Wow...did you see that? Who runs faster than the new Mayor?"
S: " Noooooobody!"
By this time the boys are getting tired of the VIP area with all the rich folks and their...lobster...shrimps... steaks...champagne... escargots...etc..So they head down to the field.
B: " My gosh...the Greenies are losing 17-3!"
S: " It's those Vaunted Ones and The Flutie...they can't keep up with them."
The boys walk down the sidelines when the notice a set of headphones on the ground behind the Greenies bench. It turns out that the offensive coordinator has gone to the can and left his phones behind.
S: " Bubb's ....Daley don't know he's gone and I can hear OLE Reggie asking for help."
B: " No time to waste Skeeter....the 1st half is drawing to a close."
Bubba runs over and puts on the headphones. The Riders are on the field and have the ball.
(Bubba now has the headphones on and is calling the plays into Reggie)
B: " Ok dokey....let's get on them Vaunted Ones
The Green Riders had not moved the ball with any authority...that was until Bubba got his hands on the offense. The Green Riders launched a sophisticated offense against the Argonauts. The Riders were just marching down the field to the goal. The Vaunted Argos were back on their heels. They had never been pushed like they were being pushed. The Riders surged ahead with reckless abandon and scored an impressive touchdown.
S: " Way to call em Bubb's!"
Then the offensive coordinator returned.....
OC: " Hey! Gimmie those phones you idiots!"
S: " We iza scored a TD...and now we iz convert it."
OC: " I'm back in charge now...it's my offense not yours."
B: " But we iz done the Karma positive waves for the Greenies! We iz hafta finish or it's gone."
OC: " Get lost!"
The boys hang their heads and walk away...just as the Green Riders bobble the extra point attempt and don't score the single point. The score is now at 17-9 for the Argonauts.
S: " We had them...they would not listen."
B: " Now the Karma is bad again."
Just then...the Argos returned the kickoff into Rider territory and got a late field goal to take a 20-9 lead into half-time.
B: " Same score as the game Vs the Als for the Vaunted Ones."
S: " Dang...it's over...and we have no game to go home and watch with this game bean a blowout. Ah...let's go
over and see what's happening by that big stage thingy."
The boys go over to the stage where the half-time entertainment was going to be performed...when they came across a few confused folks that were having an argument. It was the band for the half-time.
S: " What is your problem...big band boys?"
Band: " We don't know what song to play...and we can't figure it out...and we go on soon."
S: " Geez...we iz can't help ya there. We iz just come off the field where we iz Raised a Little Hell of our own."
Band: " That's it! That's the song....man! You dudes saved the half-time show!"
B: " Just bein us."
Band: " Love you guys!"
S: (whispering to Bubba) " We better get...they love us."
B: " Ah...that's just big city folks."
S: "Whew."
B: (looking at the field) " Oh my Lord...what are the Greenies doing?"
S: " They are lined up for the kickoff....my gosh! I see it too!"
Right then...the boys rush down the sidelines to the Green Rider bench. They had seen a fatal flaw in the kick alignment. Would they be in time......
B: " We are not making it...this sideline is too crowded."
S: " I can't believe they don't see it. Everyone can see they is gonna kick to the Smith guy...but the
Vaunted Ones are setting up the fake to the Pinball...and the Greenies will always go for the
Pinball over the Smith guy...cause the Smith guy isn't as good."
B: (as he stops running) " It's too late...it's over."
S: " This ain't gonna be pretty."
The second half starts with the Riders kicking off to the Argos. Adrion Smith takes the ball and fakes to Pinball. The focus of the Green Riders coverage converges on the Pinball...but Smith keeps the ball...and trots to a Rider killing touchdown...to vault the Vaunted Ones to a 27-9 lead.
S: " All is not be lost yet?"
B: " We'll see...they don't have us calling the plays...they got that dummy calling the plays."
S: " It don't look very good."
The Riders get the ball...but the offense reverts back to the way it played before the boys called the plays. Rider coach Daley is heard yelling at his offensive coordinator " Why can't we move...we were beautiful late in the 2nd quarter?"
S: " I guess Rider fans will always wonder how the Greenies could move the ball so well that one time...and
then just go back to being stinkers."
B: " Let's go cheer up the Greenies dance team."
S: " Yehaa...sounds cool."
The boys go over to the dejected Riders cheer team and spend the rest of the 3rd quarter boosting their morale. The entire stadium...less some Argo fans..are falling off into a mass depression brought on by the demolition of their Greenies by the Vaunted Argos.
S: " Look....the games almost over."
B: " Thea Vaunted Ones have a lot of class...they could run up the score...but they don't."
S: "Ya...that little Pinball could have scored again easy...but he stopped and allowed the Riders defence
to come and tackle him... what a nice guy."
B: " Let's use our passes and get to the trophy awarding."
S: " Coolies."
The boys head over to where the Cup will be presented. The game ends with the Argos winning a great victory and they head over to the podium.
B: " The Flutie and the Vaunted Ones won the Cup again."
S: " They are full measure for the win...but it was the Greenies that they had to beat."
B: " And the Greenies will be good next year too."
S: " Ya...you gotta be a real idiot to think this team is gonna fall after such a good run. Hey...I almost forgot the banner!"
B: " Geez...we was gonna run the banner across the field at halftime..but we forgot."
S: " Well...we'll unfurl it now and just start running."
B: " Ok...here we go."
Just as the Grey Cup is awarded to the Toronto Argonauts and hoisted above Flutie's head...the crowd reacts with a round of loud boos. The fans at home assume that the Argonauts are being booed by poor sportsmanship hicks from the west...but they are actually booing the banner that the boys are running across the field.
The banner says ' Lancaster will be a Tiger Cat in 1998!' ...and the Edmonton crowd is booing. They don't want to lose the Little General to the East...and they have forgotten all about the Grey Cup presentation.
B: " Hey! They still love the Lancaster out here. But it ain't our fault he's going."
S: " Right....BUT...I think we better just keep on running."
B: " You got that right....keep going!"
The boys just run straight out of the stadium and run off into the darkness of the night.
The Grey Cup is over...and they just need to go home.
