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Part Seven:  To the Klondike!

The last we saw the boys...they had taken in the Western Semi-Final game between The Saskatchewan Roughriders and  the Calgary Stampeders....which was won by the Roughies 33-30. Now the boys have to follow their team to the Western Final that's being held in Edmonton a week later.

B: " We gotta get to Edmonton to see the Greenies win against those Pesky Eskies."

S: " No sweat Bubb's....those Eskies lost to the Vaunted Ones two times while the Greenies beat'em once."

B: " Darn your right. Any team that loses to the Vaunted Ones twice stands no chance aginst the Greenies."

S: " But...we gotta get there."

B: " We  need to get our truck...it was towed because the Greenies beat the Stumps."

S: " Let's look at the little yellow football book thing."

The boys look though the yellow Page directory in Calgary for a place that stores Pick-up trucks. Alas...they find the perfect place.

B: " This is it! It's 'Sod Rod's House of Putrid Pick-ups."

S: " Ya...it says it's got the best storage for Saskatchewanianites who come to Calgary."

B&S: " Let's go."

The boys hop on the bus and sit in the back. Just then a fare gets on the bus and sits down with a chicken in his lap.

B: " Howdy sir."

Fare: " Hello."

S: " When did you move here from Saskatoon?"

* Everyone knows that people who arrive from Saskatoon carry chickens onto buses ... and folks from Regina  take their pigs ... and folks from Prince Albert take a Can. *

Fare: " Well slap my face and call me Uncle Dotty...you iz one of us."

B&S: " Yip...we iz going to git our truck."

Fare: " Go to Sod Rod's...he iz give me a good deal."

B&S: " We iz."

The bus stops...and the boys get off the bus. They just have to walk 16 blocks and they are there.

B&S: " We iz wanta our truck...it wassa towed."

Sod Rod: " That'll be $250.00."

B&S: " Dat isa robbery!"

Sod Rod: " That's the price. We Calgary folks have to rip off you sod busters...it's our duty. Especially after

                  you guys beat our Stamps."

S: " I'll give ya...fifty bucks."

Sod Rod: " Done!"

The boys take their truck and get out of town as fast as they can. They have been in Calgary too long.

S: " Those Tarranna wannabees are real cheap."

B: " Yup. It's no wonder their tower and buildings are so short. Let's head down the Trans Canada to Edmonton."

The boys head past the Olympic Ski Jumping Hills and head down the Trans Canada towards Edmonton.

S: " Dang....there's that wall agin."

B: " But look. Those cars is just going right into the wall over there." (Pointing over to the left)

S: " That's where the road goes....it must be a door."

B: " Let's go."

The boys head to 'the door' and they find that the road just goes right through the wall.

S: " This is one big, thick wall. It's also got lots of bumps."

B: " There's a sign that says that these are the Rocky Mountains?"

S: " These ain't no mountains! Only Hamilton gots a mountain."

B: " You know Skeeter....these do look pretty high."

S: " You wouldn't say that if you ever saw the top of the Hamilton Mountain."

B: " True...nobody's ever seen the top of Hamilton Mountain."

S: " All that smog and soot and Gray stuff in the air covers up the view of the top."

B: " That is the air."

B&S: " Ha Ha.. he he.. snort.. he ha."

The boys pass mountain after mountain till they see the turn off to go to Banff.

B: " That place has got two f's in the name...we gotta see it."

The boys enter Banff...but are not impressed.

S: " I can't read a single sign on any shop. What is that funny looking writing?"

B: " I'm not sure. It looks strange though."

S: " I can't read it. Those languages all look Japanese to me."

B: " Holly Moley! Look at that beast."

S: " It's big....it's huge."

B: " It looks like a really big over grown Pronghorn sheep with a really big butt."

S: " I don't like it here...let's go."

B: " Fine with me."

The boys decide to leave Banff and its herd of Elk behind. They travel farther down the Trans Canada till they get to a road sign that points to British Columbia. Just past the sign is a BC Tourism stop. The boys have to check it out.

B: " Wow...it's got three sections."

S: " Ya...it's got Vancouver, Victoria and the rest of BC."

B: " Let's look at each."

The boys chose to look into the Rest of BC exhibit first. There they find a wide array of lumberjack tools, lumberjack  pamphlets and an exhibit on saving Owls.

B: " Lookie Skeeter...it says here that anyone can learn to make a chair usin a log and a chainsaw."

The boys next decide to check out the Victoria section. There they find a wide variety of information relating to newlyweds and Senior citizens.

B: " Look...a pamphlet on how to live a lonely life while your young."

S: " I found one about lawn bowling in the raw."

The boys then decide to check out the Vancouver exhibit. It was like walking into Zen itself. There were pamphlets and demos regarding such Vancouver staples as How to get in a Trance....veggie cooking and why it's the best....how to grow weeds you'd like to have in your yard....Clogs, why are you falling?....Incense, The way to Nirvana through your Nose....Exercise yourself to death by 50. It was a flowerchild's dream exhibit.

B: " This explains a lot."

S: " It also explains the Lions. Here's a pamphlet on the BC Lions that's titled....

       'Wow, those Lions really suck.' "

B: " That they do! He he."

The boys had enough of the stop and headed back to their long drive to Edmonton. They drove a few more hours when  they saw a really neat sight.

B: " Look at that ice cube."

S: " Wow...That's the biggest ice I've ever seen."

B: " Can you imagine how much beer is under that ice?"

S: " That would even be enough for me."

B: " We got a schedule to keep...this can't take too long."

The boys drive away from the Columbia Ice Fields Glacier and head north.  They enter a small town at the northern point where they must again turn east to get to the city of Edmonton.

S: " Jasper the Bear is in this place."

B: " Ok, let's go and get a look at him."

They get out of the truck and walk through the downtown area of Jasper...looking for the Bear.

S: " This Jasper has a nice downtown....a pharmacy, a few motels, and a lot of railway cars."

B: " Go ask someone where the Bear is."

Skeeter asks the first person he sees.

S: " Excuse me sir's...where can I find da bear dat iz jasper da bear who iz here in dis town?

Resident: " Always happy to help the friendly folks from Saskatchewan. It's over there across the street."

The boys cross the street and find the bear.

B: " A stinkin statue? What gives?"

S: " That ain't the bear! THAT is the bear!" (pointing off in the distance)

Skeeter heads over to what he thinks is the bear...and all heck is breaking loose. There's screaming...and snarling. It's a horrid sight.

B: " That bear is attacking you! I'll save ya!"

A crowd of people starts to form.

Child: " Mommy....that idiot's being attacked by a ground squirrel."

Mom: " That's OK dear....the squirrels winning."

Bubba manages to pull Skeeter away and they rush back to the truck. They hit the gas and peel out of town.

S: " Jasper the Bear. That bear ain't no friendly bear."

B: " We will be'a fine once we get to the game."

S: " Ok Bubb's."

The boys are now traveling the road to Edmonton. They are driving for about 4 hours...and success.

B: " I can smell it! That gasoline smell."

S: " Eskie wee we! We made it to Oiltown USA."

B: " Thats Oiltown Canada."

S: " They sell it to the USA...don't they? So they is Oiltown USA."

B: " You're right again. Lets git a nice sleep cause the big game is tomorrow."

S: " We are buying tickets at the gate?"

B: " You bet...This ain't Regina where we'd sell out."

S: " It ain't no Toronto either."

B: " You got that right."

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